my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize