I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Randomize
