somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
