if i can run in heels then i can drive
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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