i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
