She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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