Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
