You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
