But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
