i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
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