I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
