This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Randomize
