I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
