Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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