i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
