ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Randomize
