yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
