Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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