i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
