kristin has been a bad kristin
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
