DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
