Screwed.edu
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
