When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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