I didn't shave. On purpose
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
