Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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