What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
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