I can't breathe out the right side of my face
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
His hands were made for my vagina.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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