Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
