I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
