We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
