oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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