I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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