i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Say something about gay babies.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize