What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
