Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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