if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
