please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
fuck your aforementioned shoe
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
