Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
