no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
