well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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