I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
