My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
