I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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