It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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