Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
