Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
