We named our party play list daddy issues
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
