You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
look no pants
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
40s are totally the cure
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
