it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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