So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
