I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
