I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
