i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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