no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
