we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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