i permit you to call me
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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