Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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