I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
