I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Randomize
