remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
