He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
