why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Damn victory sex feels great
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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