You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
