Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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