my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
