do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
