One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
