Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
