i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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