i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
This is my gift to your gina
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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