i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
