i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
