I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
