I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize