I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Randomize
